We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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