Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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