hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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