don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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