I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
love makes seman taste better
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
