mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
