When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
