is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
