Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
