This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
