so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
