i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
