I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
