Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
