They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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