I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
