What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
