Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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