new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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