before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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