he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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