drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
