His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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