perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
