hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
