Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
