Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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