so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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