i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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