Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
