you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
