im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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