Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
