I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
