The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
