waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
