if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
