I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
