im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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