What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the day after is always just damage control
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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