Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
