And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
