Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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