so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
