She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
