you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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