just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I had to cum in my sink.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
