You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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