Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
