i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
