that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
