I will die if light touches me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
